The sexual aggressiveness I faced, or rather ran from, did not succeed in forcing its will on me. I will not say in reflection that it changed my life. I will not give it that power. I changed my life by how I reacted. I am happier for having run away from this man than I most likely would be had I given in and paid a high price for his special attention that wouldn’t have gotten me very far with a legitimate acting career. Predators feed on power and are constantly hungry. They need either escalate the domination of the victim or move on to the next. An actor works from his inner life. My game master would have consumed mine and left me empty and dead.
In the meantime, I have go on to study acting again in my adulthood. I have worked as background in films and television programs and even been featured occasionally. I have also performed on stage in one man shows of my own creation. I learned to create my own breaks.
So why do I bring all this up now after all these years? A dream I had in which a friend shared a “dirty little secret with me,” but I kept my own to myself. When I told another friend about the dream, I commented that I didn’t know what the dream could have possibly meant. I have no secrets. My life is transparent. Then I remembered. It seemed to me, Spirit was compelling me to finally tell. Like I wrote earlier, I wasn’t a child when this happened. I was made to feel very small, however, as a result.
Recently I decided to Google “newspaper stories about child sexual abuse.” There were 148,000 results. When I changed the search to “newspaper stories about child sexual abuse by priests” there were 3,510,000 results. That’s a hell of a lot of abused children. That’s why I cheer every conviction. That’s why I write.